Daylight Savings Time: A Conspiracy Theory

Somewhere in some (I imagine) dark, damp, creepy cave there is a secret organization that meets. This organization – for the purpose of this blog (my blog, my rules), I have named M.A.G.I.C. (which is an acronym for MakeĀ All Grown-ups Insane Co-op – exists for the sole purpose of finding (as the name implies) more and more ways to make parents go insane (M.A.P.I.C. just doesn’t have the same ring).

Children are "innocent."

The organization usually starts small. Things like fighting with their siblings…”forgetting” where they put their shoes…informing you that they have a huge report due at bedtime the night before it is due…you get the picture.

All their other efforts pale in comparison to their most heinous scheme: Daylight Savings Time. You see, this is a global occurrence (except in equatorial and tropical climates) that pulls out all the stops on making parents go googly-eyes, pulling their hair out, insane.

As a result of losing an hour of sleep, you mental faculties are already running at less than optimal levels. But then, your kids go into crazed lunatic mode. Waking them up in the morning makes you feel as if you’re hearkening a zombie apocalypse. And don’t even get me started on bedtime. Although all the clocks say bedtime, their darn internal clocks aren’t adjusted yet. Even though the clock says it’s 10:00 PM, their bodies say “I’m a rabid monkey!!!”

And then there are the daylight hours. Sleep deprivation makes even the slightest issue become World War III. You ask them to do their chores…melt-down. You tell them to brush their teeth…crisis mode. You tell them it is pajama time…the harbinger of the apocalypse is unleashed!

So, you and your children are sent into this downward spiral of sleep deprivation and temper tantrums. How long will it take for your bodies to adjust? Scientists worldwide have been trying to address this maddening issue, but they’re all too insane from Daylight Savings Time to get anything done.

Waterboarding: A More Human Alternative to Daylight Savings Time.

If I survive this Daylight Savings Time adjustment period without totally losing it, I need to start formulating a plan to stop M.A.G.I.C.’s evil plan. I only have 361 more days, time is of the essence!

Until next time…